Finally some relief

So for the past almost years my parents have been working out details of the divorce. When this all occured I told my parents that I will not be put in the middle. I didn't want to know what was ticking off the other. My mom, bless her has kept to this rule, my father has not. He is ticked because my mom will only talk to him through her attorney. I really don't blame her because everytime he would call he would start yelling at her. I never really understood why she just didn't hang up on him. But then she said that if she did she would get yelled at even more when he got home. My dad has the world snowballed into thinking that he is a good man and he was wronged by the divorce and that it wasn't his fault. Proof one, he had been cheating on my mom. When caught he said that he met up with her because he saw her at the store or some other ridiculous story. The lady that he is now married to has been divorced or widowed, I have no idea nor do I really care, is just as snowballed as the rest of the world. He likes to play the poor pitiful me my children hate me. Damn straight we do. How can you love someone who loves you only on the condition that you do what he wants when he wants it done. For example, if we didn't mow the lawn his way he would yell at us. Who cared that it was done it just wasn't done his way. stupid stuff like that.

Anyway last Wednesday he calls me and starts out all nice and then he asks me to have mom give him a call. I told him that she wouldn't call him. He wanted me to ask anyway, so I did and of course she said no. He wanted me to call him back and give him the answer. Well I had chorale that night and didn't get home until late and I didn't want to call him. The next day I totally forgot about it. When I got home I had a message and he said, " Well I guess you are going to be playing the same games as your mother. I am not going to say anything else because I know that you will let your mother and he attorney listen to this so thanks for calling." what an ass. I called him and ripped into him right off. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I am after all his daughter. I layed into him for a good five minutes telling him what I really thought of him and this whole situation. I told him that I have asked on so many occations for him to not talk about the divorce or drag me in the middle. He can ask how mom is doing that is it, end of discussion. But he wakes up to a new day every freaking day. He got ticked because none of us kids dropped what we were doing when he had a "heart attack" in April. None of us knew about the fake attack until three days later. He didn't like the fact that I called him on it. His brother could have called he lives there, his new wife could have called or even his mother could have but nope he thought he could use that incident as leverage later. Idiot. Then he started in on Dustin and saying how he never calls him. Well no crap sherlock, why would he call someone who told him he was worthless, and he was a disappointment, and that he was no son of his. Oh and not a man. That broke the straw, I ripped into him like no other. I told him that if Dustin wasn't a man than why did he help a friend that was kicked out of her house with nothing but the clothes on her back? This MAN went out and bought her a couple of outfits and made arrangements for a place for her to stay while her parents cooled off. He never asked for payment of the clothes. Nothing he helped out of the kindness of his heart. This MAN was 17 years old when he did this. I told my father that Dustin was more of a man then he will ever be. He said that he provided for his family. Yes he did but when he came home everyone dreaded it. Whenever he was home he was always, and I mean always yelling or angry. There were times when we feared our safety. Looking back now I am surpised at how lucky we actually were to get out of there alive and in one piece. He thought I had hung up on him and one time and I told him I wasn't even nearly done. I told him that I have had to get blessings from my home teachers or my bishop because I knew deep in my heart that he wasn't worthy to do that. I remember one time where I was just going to be meeting with my bishop and the second I walked into his office he said he had a strong feeling to give me a blessing. I am so happy that I have worthy priesthood leaders in my life that I can count on. I pretty much told my dad that he was a worthless father who was never there when it really counted. I know it was very harsh to say but it needed to be said. I have never slept so well in such a long time. I really needed to let him know how I felt. My mom thinks that I should probably talk to someone about everything. She thinks it will help me move on and know that the verbal abuse and emotional abuse was not my fault. I guess I will have to see.

Updates

O so someone asked me why I haven't been blogging lately. Well to tell you the truth I have been just so freaking busy I haven't had time. When I get home and check my e-mail I find other things to do instead of blog.

Here are some updates on what has been happening since I last posted on Halloween. I am still at my job so that is a bonus. I had the day after Thanksgiving off so I was able to do some black friday shopping but I didn't start until after 11am. I new what I wanted and there were no spectacular deals to get my lazy bum out of bed before the sun came up. I was excited to have that day off because I haven't for the past three years. Medical workers don't get holidays off like the rest of the world. I also had the day after Christmas off so that was fun. I think I had fun just watching the crazy people shop and fight for things. For Christmas we went to my aunt and uncles house in Franktown as we do for all major holidays. It was fun.

Sad stuff, as some of you might or might not know my grandma Steving, mom's mom, has alzhiemers. She was diagnosed shortly after B.J. and Amy got married in 2004. We have since put her in a nursing facility in Greeley. I have been lucky enough to work 5 short minutes from there so when I get a chance I go and visit her during my lunch hour. Most times when I go there she recognizes me but can't remember my name. That sucks but I totally understand. Well the Wednesday before Christmas I got off work early so I decided to go and see how she was doing. She had absolutely no clue who I was. I broke my heart. Normally I am sad when I leave but this particular visit hit me too hard. I pretty much ran to my car and broke down. Good thing I didn't have to go back to work because my make-up was all smeary. I called my mom and told her. Let me just say that crying and driving is not safe so don't try it. Just like crying and trying to sing. It just isn't pretty. My mom made me go with her that Saturday and she was much better. I just need to get used to the idea that there are going to be times when she has no clue. This is the disease she had said that she never wanted to get because you are essentially trapped in your own mind and can't communcate like you use to. I know by looking in her eyes that she is still in there and that she knows who I am and that I love her. I just hate seeing her like this. I just have faith that my Heavenly Father is with her. (whoo crying and typing not pretty either.)

I have been put on probation for a promotion at work. I was hired as a Administrative Assistant and have since been doing work as a Billing Specialist. So I am in a probation period. I was told that I couldn't complain and I had to be nice to the co-worker who gets on my nerves like no other. So far it has been two weeks and I have been nice. She has too so it makes it tons better. I have been having fun phone flirting with a guy that works out in the shop. He is a mechanic. Downside, he drinks, and today I found out he smokes. My co-worker told me that she wouldn't let me date him now because he smokes. She thinks that smoking turns to chewing tobacco. I think he does that sometimes too because when I go out there he has a mouthful of sunflower seeds. I never planned on dating him I was just passing boring time at work. Working on my flirting skills. I think I am getting a little better.

I have decided as a new years thing to not care what people think about me. I am going to do my best to do what I want for myself and to make me feel better. 2009 feeling more comfortable in my own skin. Screw what everyone else thinks.

I hope that this is a good update for you. I will try to blog more often but I really can't promise.

Oh before I forget, on Saturday I went to my B.J.'s house to give him a CD for his computer and Zoey was watching country music videos, (she learned a song that swears so no more top 40 for her) well she was watching a Dierks Bentley one and I asked of she was watching a cute guy and her response was no...hot. That made me laugh. She sure is going to give B.J. a run for his money when she gets older that is for sure.