Finally some relief

So for the past almost years my parents have been working out details of the divorce. When this all occured I told my parents that I will not be put in the middle. I didn't want to know what was ticking off the other. My mom, bless her has kept to this rule, my father has not. He is ticked because my mom will only talk to him through her attorney. I really don't blame her because everytime he would call he would start yelling at her. I never really understood why she just didn't hang up on him. But then she said that if she did she would get yelled at even more when he got home. My dad has the world snowballed into thinking that he is a good man and he was wronged by the divorce and that it wasn't his fault. Proof one, he had been cheating on my mom. When caught he said that he met up with her because he saw her at the store or some other ridiculous story. The lady that he is now married to has been divorced or widowed, I have no idea nor do I really care, is just as snowballed as the rest of the world. He likes to play the poor pitiful me my children hate me. Damn straight we do. How can you love someone who loves you only on the condition that you do what he wants when he wants it done. For example, if we didn't mow the lawn his way he would yell at us. Who cared that it was done it just wasn't done his way. stupid stuff like that.

Anyway last Wednesday he calls me and starts out all nice and then he asks me to have mom give him a call. I told him that she wouldn't call him. He wanted me to ask anyway, so I did and of course she said no. He wanted me to call him back and give him the answer. Well I had chorale that night and didn't get home until late and I didn't want to call him. The next day I totally forgot about it. When I got home I had a message and he said, " Well I guess you are going to be playing the same games as your mother. I am not going to say anything else because I know that you will let your mother and he attorney listen to this so thanks for calling." what an ass. I called him and ripped into him right off. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I am after all his daughter. I layed into him for a good five minutes telling him what I really thought of him and this whole situation. I told him that I have asked on so many occations for him to not talk about the divorce or drag me in the middle. He can ask how mom is doing that is it, end of discussion. But he wakes up to a new day every freaking day. He got ticked because none of us kids dropped what we were doing when he had a "heart attack" in April. None of us knew about the fake attack until three days later. He didn't like the fact that I called him on it. His brother could have called he lives there, his new wife could have called or even his mother could have but nope he thought he could use that incident as leverage later. Idiot. Then he started in on Dustin and saying how he never calls him. Well no crap sherlock, why would he call someone who told him he was worthless, and he was a disappointment, and that he was no son of his. Oh and not a man. That broke the straw, I ripped into him like no other. I told him that if Dustin wasn't a man than why did he help a friend that was kicked out of her house with nothing but the clothes on her back? This MAN went out and bought her a couple of outfits and made arrangements for a place for her to stay while her parents cooled off. He never asked for payment of the clothes. Nothing he helped out of the kindness of his heart. This MAN was 17 years old when he did this. I told my father that Dustin was more of a man then he will ever be. He said that he provided for his family. Yes he did but when he came home everyone dreaded it. Whenever he was home he was always, and I mean always yelling or angry. There were times when we feared our safety. Looking back now I am surpised at how lucky we actually were to get out of there alive and in one piece. He thought I had hung up on him and one time and I told him I wasn't even nearly done. I told him that I have had to get blessings from my home teachers or my bishop because I knew deep in my heart that he wasn't worthy to do that. I remember one time where I was just going to be meeting with my bishop and the second I walked into his office he said he had a strong feeling to give me a blessing. I am so happy that I have worthy priesthood leaders in my life that I can count on. I pretty much told my dad that he was a worthless father who was never there when it really counted. I know it was very harsh to say but it needed to be said. I have never slept so well in such a long time. I really needed to let him know how I felt. My mom thinks that I should probably talk to someone about everything. She thinks it will help me move on and know that the verbal abuse and emotional abuse was not my fault. I guess I will have to see.

Updates

O so someone asked me why I haven't been blogging lately. Well to tell you the truth I have been just so freaking busy I haven't had time. When I get home and check my e-mail I find other things to do instead of blog.

Here are some updates on what has been happening since I last posted on Halloween. I am still at my job so that is a bonus. I had the day after Thanksgiving off so I was able to do some black friday shopping but I didn't start until after 11am. I new what I wanted and there were no spectacular deals to get my lazy bum out of bed before the sun came up. I was excited to have that day off because I haven't for the past three years. Medical workers don't get holidays off like the rest of the world. I also had the day after Christmas off so that was fun. I think I had fun just watching the crazy people shop and fight for things. For Christmas we went to my aunt and uncles house in Franktown as we do for all major holidays. It was fun.

Sad stuff, as some of you might or might not know my grandma Steving, mom's mom, has alzhiemers. She was diagnosed shortly after B.J. and Amy got married in 2004. We have since put her in a nursing facility in Greeley. I have been lucky enough to work 5 short minutes from there so when I get a chance I go and visit her during my lunch hour. Most times when I go there she recognizes me but can't remember my name. That sucks but I totally understand. Well the Wednesday before Christmas I got off work early so I decided to go and see how she was doing. She had absolutely no clue who I was. I broke my heart. Normally I am sad when I leave but this particular visit hit me too hard. I pretty much ran to my car and broke down. Good thing I didn't have to go back to work because my make-up was all smeary. I called my mom and told her. Let me just say that crying and driving is not safe so don't try it. Just like crying and trying to sing. It just isn't pretty. My mom made me go with her that Saturday and she was much better. I just need to get used to the idea that there are going to be times when she has no clue. This is the disease she had said that she never wanted to get because you are essentially trapped in your own mind and can't communcate like you use to. I know by looking in her eyes that she is still in there and that she knows who I am and that I love her. I just hate seeing her like this. I just have faith that my Heavenly Father is with her. (whoo crying and typing not pretty either.)

I have been put on probation for a promotion at work. I was hired as a Administrative Assistant and have since been doing work as a Billing Specialist. So I am in a probation period. I was told that I couldn't complain and I had to be nice to the co-worker who gets on my nerves like no other. So far it has been two weeks and I have been nice. She has too so it makes it tons better. I have been having fun phone flirting with a guy that works out in the shop. He is a mechanic. Downside, he drinks, and today I found out he smokes. My co-worker told me that she wouldn't let me date him now because he smokes. She thinks that smoking turns to chewing tobacco. I think he does that sometimes too because when I go out there he has a mouthful of sunflower seeds. I never planned on dating him I was just passing boring time at work. Working on my flirting skills. I think I am getting a little better.

I have decided as a new years thing to not care what people think about me. I am going to do my best to do what I want for myself and to make me feel better. 2009 feeling more comfortable in my own skin. Screw what everyone else thinks.

I hope that this is a good update for you. I will try to blog more often but I really can't promise.

Oh before I forget, on Saturday I went to my B.J.'s house to give him a CD for his computer and Zoey was watching country music videos, (she learned a song that swears so no more top 40 for her) well she was watching a Dierks Bentley one and I asked of she was watching a cute guy and her response was no...hot. That made me laugh. She sure is going to give B.J. a run for his money when she gets older that is for sure.

Holy Cow! Wait BULL!!!!

So I am driving to work yesterday minding my own business jammin to the tunes coming out of the speakers when I come up over a hill and come face to face with not just a cow but a big freakin BULL! I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting the massive animal. I tried to slowly go around it but he put his head down and looked like he was going to charge. A bull fighter I am not but I have the brains enough to stay still. By this time there were more cars back behind me and in front of me. Even one idiot got out of his car to try to shoo it back to the field. Yeah like that is going to work. He lived only because someone else distracted the bull so he could get back into his car. By this time I was getting annoyed. Where was the bulls owner? I have to get to work. We tried honking horns but that just seemed to piss it off. Some other idiot tried yelling at it, pissing it off more. Finally after what seemed like hours a state patrol officer came to the scene. Again he tried shooing, honking and yelling. aparently if any of those worked we wouldn't be in this situation. After twenty more minutes of that stupidity someone with a tranq gun shot it and down went mister bull. Oh it took a couple of shots but it finally went down. Let me just say that I now have to find yet another way to work.

Wedding Weekend

Holy cow this weekend was crazy. I took Friday off because I knew that my mom couldn't cook all the food for the rehearsal dinner by herself. We got up kinda early and went shopping for the supplies that were needed for the food. When we got home we decided what to do first. My mom said that she would make the buttermilk brownies and I would make the salad, potatoe casserole and my aunt who came to help would make the BBQ sauce and squash casserole. Ok stop right there. How did we get stuck making more of the food while she just made the brownies? She claims that she is the better baker. Ok whatever. My salad was freaking awesome. Cranberries, blue cheese, walnuts, apples, lettuce, onions, and tons of other yummy goodness. The potato casserole was good too. I also make the pulled pork. Yum.

The rehearsal went well, Casey and Megan both looked a little nervous but not so much. Zoey did really good too. Which we were all amazed. The dinner was a success. When we all got there Megan gave everyone a schedule. She had everything and I mean everything planned down to the gnats behind. 10 hair 1pm makeup 2:30pm wedding party at church getting ready. It was funny. Until she gave me one and told me when I had to be there. I am not part of the wedding party but she said I had to be there for family pictures. Joy
The actual wedding day we got up early aain because we were meeting Amy to get out nails done and then our hair. When we were finished with that we had about two hours to spare. We went home got dressed and headed to the church. Talk about chaos. The room where Megan and her bridesmaids were dressing was tiny, the room where the guys got dressed was huge. How messed up is that? Messed up I tell you. I helped amy get Zoey dressed in her flower girl dress and she looked so freaking cute.
When the ceremony finally started everyone came down the aisle and when it was Zoey's turn she was supposed to be throwing rose petals down after Taylor but she was picking them up and putting them in her basket. Amy finally told her to go find her daddy, one of the groomsman, she made her way down and walked around the piles of petals, careful not to step on any of them. She did a good job.
At the reception things got crazy, beer was flowing and people were getting three sheets to the wind. One of the things that I learned is that Dustin is a funny drunk. He was dirty dancing with Amy and it was funny. We got pictures. Oh and he was flirting with me. I had to smack him for that and tell him that was just wrong. Of course the next day he remembered nothing. It was funny. They had a dollar dance and one of Megan's uncles wanted to dance with Casey. Cracked me up. When it was my turn it was nice. I am proud of Casey for taking this step and legalizing everything. They had been living together for the past two or so years.
When Darren asked when they were going to have kids Casey's response was,
" I got that beep tied." It was funny.
All in all the wedding and stuff was good and we all had fun.
One Sunday I woke up around 10:30am and we decided not to go to church. So I ate breakfast and checked e-mail and then went back to my room. I slept off and on for either 30 minutes to an hour at a time. Then between 4-6 I was out. I got up long enouhg to shower and to eat then I was back in bed and fell asleep for the night around 9pm. I guess that I needed the sleep. Hopefully the next wedding is mine. Gotta find the guy first.

say what?

So on Sunday when my mom and I got back from visiting my g-ma our neighbor asked us if she could ask a question. Sure. She asked if I was the one that played the piano. I said yes. She said I played beautifully. HUH? I politely said thanks. She then asked if I taught piano lessons. I replied no but I know someone on the block that does. We went into the house when I turned to my mom and asked, "I wonder what I was playing that day." She had no idea. The only time I play is when no one is home because lets face it a piano is not a quiet instrument. Since it has been nice in the evenings we have been opening up the back and front doors to get a breeze and to air out the house after being closed up all day. So that is probably when she heard me. Later that night I was telling my brother about it and he said you were probably playing something you have been playing for years and years. Dork. But a possibility. It was just funny. I guess I should practice more often.

Oh Starbucks has the best signature hot chocolate. I tried the salted caramel hot chocolate. Sounds gross but it is delicious. It is a blend of 4 chocolates from Europe. Holy cow is it to die for. Everyone should go out and try it.

Craziness

Ok so Casey's wedding is this coming Saturday. I finally found my dress this past Friday. Yeah I know, way to wait til the last possible minute. I just haven't been all that excited about it. I am happy for them but not thrilled to go to yet another wedding single. I think the hardest thing about finding a dress is because this is the first wedding that I have been to that I haven't been part of the wedding party. So I had to set out to find a dress. Normally I would just find a dress that was nice and could wear to church or work or something. But oh no this wedding is kinda formal. Great another dress to add to the bunch that can't be worn again unless it is a halloween costume. Well I got online and was looking for dresses at the beginning of the summer and had the hardest time finding one that was modest. I either ran into sleeveless, no sleeves, too short, too freaking whore looking or just plain ugly. So I decided to wait until the fall clothes came out. Again same freaking problem. So then I found these really cool pants that look like a dress when I am standing. I just needed to find a top. Well when I went to go get the pants and top I found a gorgeous skirt, black with see through black material, twirlly and a top that is brown with cream and black designs. Now why would I wear that to the wedding? Well I will tell you. Her colors are Apple red and chocolate. I look pretty darn awesome in it. Plus I got some really pretty 1928 jewelry to match. Now I just need to find the perfect shoe.

What what

So I think that I should update on here more but lately I have been just too tired to do anything. With the end of the month creeping up I have had to help with the month end billing at work. I was hired as a freaking admin not I have moved to billing and such. Holy cow. Plus I have been given tons more stuff to do and be responsible for. I guess that is good considering I would be bored out of my ever loving mind if I didn't have anything to do.

Casey's wedding is creeping up on us too fast. Last weekend we had the bridal shower. It was good but I am glad that it is over. Emily, Megan's sister was suppose to help but she actually did nothing. She said she would help decorate along with the other bridesmaids but didn't. She tried to take credit for the whole thing but Amy being Amy didn't let her. It was really funny. They were supposed to help clean up but they were too busy talking about Emily's party that was going on later that night. Annoying.

I am having a hard time finding a dress for the wedding. It is really formal like. I hate it. All the other weddings I have been to I have been in the wedding party and I haven't had to worry about finding a dress. This time around I am just a guest. Which is good to a point is a good thing. So today mom and I went shopping to try and find something. I have decided to go with these awesome pants that look like I am wearing a dress. Then I am going to find a cute top to go with it. I have had the hardest time finding a modest dress. They are either too short or don't have sleeves. If I wanted to look like a hooker at my brothers wedding then I would maybe go for something like that but since the bridemaids have that covered I decided against it. If I was in highschool and trying to find a dress for homecoming I would be screwed.

Chorale is good. I am having a better year since I am singing first soprano again. I hated last year with a passion. I felt like a caged bird wasn't ever let out to fly. This year I am back in the sky flying high.