Going crazy

Oh the joys of going to work only to find out yet again you and one other aid showed up. What is with people? I know this job stinks but really. I am so worn out that I go to bed, no more like fall, into bed around 7:30 or 8pm. I work the regular eight hours but it feels like so much more. It is really sad when you have to hide out in the bathroom just to get either quiet time or just a break. Those outside the door probably think I have a gastrointestinal problem but I am not the only one to take refuge in the bathroom. The walls are pretty thick so when the resident who is constantly yelling you just shut the door and aww quiet. The yeller today kept asking where he should go. After about ten minutes of yelling I was ready to tell him exactly where he could go. Since we can't use tape of any kind I had to think of some other way to make him quiet. I had asked him to stop yelling and he asked me who I thought I was. Being the smarty-pants that I am I told him I was the President. Boy did that shut him up. Yes, I found a way. Another thing about the job is that I learn alot of new vocabulary and word usage not just daily but sometimes by the minute. I have never had a job where someone told me where to go, what to do, or where to stick it or blow it within a ten minute period. Such fun. One resident likes to tell me that I don't like her much and when I tell her that is a stupid comment she then asks me if I think she is stupid. Argh!!! I need a new job.

With my dad's re-marriage coming up my mom has had to write a letter stating that she is ok with a sealing cancellation so he can get married in the temple. I had poured over my journals to help her with this. She sent me a copy of this letter to get my input since this decision involves me. Boy, I never wanted to think of myself as a child with an abusive parent but after reading the letter and remembering I am in fact a child with an abusive parent. I am not a child obviously, but when most of this was going on it was my growing up years. I can't not say enough how glad that I was raised by my mother who does love unconditionally unlike my father who only loved us when we did what he wanted. I know I have to forgive him but there are somethings that are going to take more time. I just have to hope that he changes for this next marriage to work.